For the longest time, I am struggling with a lot of negative emotions. At first, I thought it’s because I know that I will never be good enough at something.
I am a freelance writer, but there are publishers.
I can write poems and lyrics, but there are poets and lyricists.
I sing, but there are singers.
I dance, but there are dancers.
I cook, but there are chefs.
I create, but there are entrepreneurs.
And I thought that I was envious, and I decided to compete among them even if I know that I am the one in the losing end.
All of a sudden, after watching a video in exploring your creative thinking and while taking a bath, a realization came upon me. It wasn’t jealousy, envy, or any other feeling that’s making me miserable somehow. It’s the fact that I don’t have anything that I can call my own. In all the things I do, there wasn’t a clear reflection of me, of what I am.
So right now I’m trying to make a commitment to myself. If there’s one thing that I want myself to be, it’s the fact that I want to be creative.
I want to write a poem that speaks of the emptiness I feel sometimes.
I would like to capture images of people and things that define life, whether it’s good or bad.
I want to cook because it allows me to experiment and permits me to please people that I care about.
I want to sing because I want to, dance because I want to, create because I want to, be myself because I want to, and live because I want to.
Maybe, just maybe, if I can just tap on my creativity to help me produce something that I can call my own, I’ll learn to stop wondering how others can live a far better life than I have.
